alanna163

alanna163 @ 2009-06-22T07:02:00

2009-06-22T11:05:43Z

So Friday a kid walks up to the science teacher and says:

"So mister, how come the stars only come out in the winter? And when do they decide to start coming out?"

Poor John doesn't know what to say and tells him to go sit down because we are about to start our final exam. I tried really hard to justify the question with something other than the obvious fact that he is on the mental retardation side of the IQ scale, but the best i could come up with is that he is a city kid and is bed before the stars come out in the summer. Neither of us could really believe that was the answer, but it was the best i could do.

alanna163 @ 2008-07-15T18:46:00

2008-07-15T22:51:46Z

I just find it funny that today my co-teacher says to me, "do you know who you remind me of? Melissa Gilbert." It just cracks me ups. I always got told that as a kid and then every few years since high school. The other funny thing about it is that her birthday is one day before mine (different years obviously).

alanna163 @ 2008-02-10T18:45:00

2008-02-11T00:08:15Z

It's been a long week and i pretty much just want to cry. I don't know how much of it is because i have been sick or how much of it is just everything piling up.

I am really kind of frustrated with school. It's not like last year, i don't hate going to school, so i guess that's better. I just don't feel like i belong on my team or like i am being useful. With the exception of the math teacher, the teachers on my team are pretty lousy, but there is no real way to help my kids. The social studies teacher just lectures and tells them how exciting the content is while putting them to sleep. Unfortunately, he never knows the day before what he is going to do, so i can't have anything prepared for them to help them through it. The English teacher reads to them or has them read silently. While they are reading silently, i will pull my kids to work with them. The science teacher doesn't teach. The math teacher is fabulous, but pitches everything so that everyone in the room can get it, and so there is little for me to do there either. Because i go from classroom to classroom, i don't actually get to team teach with any of them to make it better. On top of that, Friday when i told one of the kids to put his cell phone away, he said "I don't have to." I told him that it is a school rule that he is not allowed to have it out. He shouts "You're not my f***ing teacher, you're not even a teacher. You're just an aide, or at least that's what Ms. Wolf says!" Perhaps if i had had more than 4 hours of sleep that night, it wouldn't have stung so badly, but the worst part is, that i kind of feel that way too. In all the other schools where i have been, there has been a total of one student who i didn't like. One and only one, and he was in Stillwater. This year, there are at least three in a class of 25. I feel guilty that i feel that way which doesn't help anything either.

In case school and all the extras i am doing right now aren't wearing on me enough, my pet virus seems to be acting up. In December i talked with my doctor about switching my birth control pills. I told him about why my previous doctor had put me on the one i was taking and that it was working to control the side pain, but that i was hoping for something that would help with serious cramping and tenderness that i had been having recently. He gave me a new one and told me to try it for three months before i could tell if it would work or not. I started it on New Year's Day. January the pain in my side was back, though not consistently. This month, it seems to be more in the lower back which is where it had started originally, back in college. It has been so bad. Two weeks ago, when i was in Akeido class, my back started killing me and i had to sit out. I went to the chiropractor on Friday, but that didn't really help because it is the inside pain. It had kind of gotten better, and i hadn't been able to get to the gym all this last week. Today i went to the gym, and did my usual routine and this afternoon my back inside is in agony again. Now, i don't know if it is all just coincidence, or what i should do. I don't know if i should just go back to my other birth control, making the virus thing happy, but the cramps and tenderness bad, or if i should go through the whole doctor insanity all over again with so many of them telling me it is nothing, and maybe still not find out what is wrong inside me. That was really frustrating the first time, i am sure it would be so much more fun the second time around.

I don't know what i should do.

alanna163 @ 2007-12-01T07:41:00

2007-12-01T12:42:58Z

Our principal gave this to us after our professional day on Thursday.

Stress Management
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

There now..........feeling better?

alanna163 @ 2007-10-15T08:28:00

2007-10-15T12:53:21Z

Recently i have been doing a lot of thinking and have tried to work it into words, but am not sure if i will be totally successful. Currently the church that i have been attending this past year is going through transition beginning the search for a new minister. It is a process that interests me because it is something i have never been a part of before. The interim minister was describing what the process would entail both personally and as a congregation. So he has made me think.

When i moved out to Seattle, i looked to find the local Unitarian Church because i needed some place where i could be myself, be accepted, and belong. The SCA group was lousy and not overly friendly, i didn't really belong with any of my classmates that first semester (Mickey joined later) and i was lonely and depressed. From the first time i went to that church, i loved it. Jon's voice was amazing and he was from New England so understood how different Seattle was from home. Anything he said i loved listening to. The content of what he said was usually good too, but often i would find myself just listening to his voice. Alicia, the other minister, was equally wonderful. She also was a New Englander, and had such a soothing voice. Her services were usually much more emotional and she was such a caring sweet lady who was interested in everyone. The choir was phenomenal. Because there were well over 400 members, they had a large base from which to draw 30 or so really talented voices for the choir. It was just a really wonderful experience. I loved the hour a week of sitting in church, surrounded by friendly people who expected nothing of me while i listed to all these wonderful sounds and words. When Ron moved out he had said that he didn't expect that he would go regularly, but would take me while my knee was still healing, and he too got drawn into it. It was a really nice place.

In Providence, i haven't found that. Ron and i had done some looking and found the church that is a few blocks from here. It's not bad, but it isn't very good either. The former minister was a bit of a wimp and didn't have the same draw as Jon or Alicia. The number of people in attendance varies between 15 and 50 which means that the choir ranges between 4 and 8 people. They are good, but it lacks the same richness. The other thing that i don't like about it being so small is that they want you to be on a committee because there are so few people everyone has to be on a committee and i don't want to commit to that because i feel that this church is a temporary thing until Ron and i can find real permanent happy jobs and feel like making it more of a home. Besides, i don't fit in this congregation. In Seattle, there were so many people, i could comfortably remain more or less anonymous but have a connection with anyone sitting next to me. Here, there is never anyone sitting next to me and i just don't feel like i fit in. It is also a bit odd because, since Ron doesn't come with me, there is the assumption made that i am gay. It is far from the first time that people have thought that about me, it isn't the assumption that bothers me, but more the fact that they make it. Granted, in that particular group, being heterosexual puts me in the minority, but i would think that should make people more apt to ask than assume one way or the other.

Once i find a job that i want to keep, i will try again for a new and hopefully better church. I know i got spoiled in Seattle, but i do like the routine, quiet thinking spot, and weekly music that church provides, so i want to find a comfortable one rather than give up.

alanna163 @ 2007-08-14T08:31:00

2007-08-14T12:44:10Z

As the final part of the Pennsic story. Last night we were to return Caewlin's truck to him. We are driving 195 toward New Bedford, Ron hits the gas after shifting into fifth in the middle of the highway and nothing happens. He tries again and still we are slowing down. He pulls across traffic to the shoulder and tries restarting the truck. Nothing. He gets out and wiggles various things under the hood. Nothing. Caewlin lost his cell phone right before Pennsic and we don't have his home phone number, but he had called our house phone a little while before. I call Mom, have her get into my phone records to call Caewlin and have him give me a call on my cell phone. Caewlin has two cars, the truck and a fiat. However, the fiat died earlier in the day yesterday so he has to borrow someone's car to come and meet us. We wait about 45 minutes for Caewlin to get there. He calls AAA and we wait for another while for the tow truck. The tow truck gets there, Ron and i get out of the truck. Out of habit, we both ended up locking our doors. Problem being that Ron had left the key in the ignition. So then it became a process to get the truck unlocked.

The tow truck driver pulled off at the first exit so that he could turn the truck around. Of course the steering wheel wouldn't lock and the truck was empty. They guy had to go looking through the tow truck (not his usual truck) to see if there was any rope to secure the steering wheel. Then his safety chains weren't working and it pretty much took forever. Finally we got to Caewlin's house and got my car back. By this time it is really late. We hadn't eaten dinner because it was just supposed to be a quick trip. Instead it was 9:15 by the time we got my car and i was hungry and tired. We stopped to get something to eat so i didn't totally crumble. It was almost 10:30 when we finally got home. Poor Ron had to work last night and had been planning on taking a nap before going in, not knowing that what was supposed to be an hour and a half exchange of cars would take over 4 hours. We felt bad that now Caewlin has two dead vehicles, but we were very glad to have my little reliable car back.

alanna163 @ 2007-08-10T23:55:00

2007-08-12T22:17:44Z

No more water bearing today. I went up on the hill to watch the field battle. We were very out numbered at the beginning of the battle but not so much so by the end. After the battle we went to the beach. The grass to the water was so soggy from yesterday's rain that as soon as you put a towel down it was wet. We didn't stay too long but came back, did some shopping and took a nap. Tonight we went to the bardic volleyball event between Bridge and some midrealm barony. Our side had way more talent than theirs but it was fun to listen to both sides. Tomorrow we back and go home. It has been fun and the weather got nice, but it is definitely time to go home.

alanna163 @ 2007-08-09T22:23:00

2007-08-12T22:14:25Z

We started off the day with thunderstorms. Ron didn't feel good and wasn't going to fight in soggy muddy woods so opted to sleep in. I went down to the water bearer tent to fill more jugs, load the wagon and the golf carts, and fill more jugs. I worked with two nice ladies and occasionally a twerp of a boy. Wen we could send the boy out on errands we could get a good rhythm going. By the time the lead water bearers go back we had so many bottles filled that we put ourselves out of a job. It started raining towards the end of our six hours and guys came to close up our tent which leaked so badly. We finished the batch of jugs and were soaked through. Going out of the tent we found that it really wasn't raining much outside though it was still pretty hard inside the tent. I came back and vegged in camp for a bit.

Our baron almost ended up having to go to the hospital. He had a combination of seriously low blood sugar, hypothermia, and dehydration. He had come out of the woods battle all hot and charged. He got home, stripped his armour but stayed in his wet clothes and got too cold. He started feeling all shaky and pukey and couldn't get warm. Talking to him we learned that he hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch though he had been drinking lots of water his body had no food to hold onto the water. We fed him OJ and a pile of life savers before EMS got here. They took him to headquarters and gave him to liters of saline drip before he had to go to the bathroom. After EMS took him, i got sent out as a runner to find and tell the baroness. After getting home i crashed for a long nap.

During dinner we watched a storm come in. The clouds were moving very fast. We got back to camp as a wall of water hit the site. It rained for quite a while and cooled things off even more. When there was a break between storms we walked up to Ancaster for a while. We took Simon over to meet Lily. They were playing a werewolf murder type game which watched for a bit. Once they finished that round we went back to Ancaster. Unfortunately no one was singing tonight we came home when they started their wine and cheese party.

alanna163 @ 2007-08-08T22:38:00

2007-08-12T22:02:04Z

During the night last night there were huge tunderstorms with lightning so bright it hurt if your eyes were open. There was so much rain. We got up later than usually after having been awake during the storm. We got all ready to go to the battle field because the field battle was supposed to start at 10. Just as Ron was all suited up and we were out the gate, we got told that the battle got moved to 12. We still went to the field and i worked filling water jugs again.

It was so hot today with a heat index of 102.8 degrees at noon. As soon as Ron got off the field we came back to camp and went to the beach with a picnic lunch. We stayed at the lake from 2-4 and ended up talking with other SCAdians doing the same thing.

Just as we got back to camp and hung our suits and towels there was a clap of thunder then a down pour. It lasted long enough to soak everything and steam it all up. We had the intent of walking up to visit with friends in Ancaster but we met them coming down. We walked around the field for a bit deciding what to do and i found 42 four leaf clovers. Royal court was going on out on the field so i went to find Lily. We gave away some of the clovers then i asked Lily to go with me after court to give the remaining 38 clovers (19x2) to the king as our side needs all the luck it can get.

We went down, the gates were open but no one was around. I put the clovers on the thrown figuring he could probably guess they were from the same person who left the other 19. We hung out with Lily walking and talking for a bit then spent some time up in Ancaster before coming home again for bed. The hope is that it will stay clear and dry tonight so the woods will dry out for the woods battle tomorrow.

alanna163 @ 2007-08-07T21:18:00

2007-08-12T21:52:59Z

Last night was so gross. I had my hair in braids because the weather has been so sticky. I was going to sleep and my skin was feeling creepy crawly from the humidity. I reached up to scratch my head and there was a Japanese beetle in my hair. It burrowed under my braid and i couldn't get it out. Finally i just had to take down my braids and shake it all out. Prior to Pennsic they spray to kill the mosquitoes but the beetle population is out of control.

Today has been a good day. I started off at the water bearing pavilion. I spent several hours continuously filling gallon jugs. They have hundreds of jugs, they get cleaned, rinsed, filled and sent out, then empties get brought back and start over in a continuous cycle.

It was dark and raining on and off then there was some thunder. Many fighters stopped and left the field. At first visible lighting we cheered knowing they would be done. After several more flashes the marshals called it, but by that time there were so fighters left. At 12:30 the call came across the radio to close up the water point and send everyone back to camp because the storm was going to be bad. It pored buckets and buckets and tones of thunder and lightning.

Luckily it cleared in time for my playdate with Lily. We were MOLing for the youth tourney. There were a lot of kids playing. There were 44 competitors. Four in the 6-under 9 age, 16 in the 9-under 14, and 28 in the 14-under 18. It was pretty impressive.

For dinneri got food from this place that puts everything in bread bowls. Where ever i go i always have to try rueben sandwiches. Tonight they had a special of a rueben in a bowl. It was pretty good. After dinner Ron and i went on a walk to find a breeze. I collected 19 four leaf clovers which i gave to the queen because there are 19 kingdoms. She was not around when i went to her camp but others who were camped there loved them and assured me she would get them.

alanna163 @ 2007-08-06T22:03:00

2007-08-12T21:41:20Z

Today was a better day. I was busy. Ron was supposed to meet the guys at their camp for inspection at 9am, but it was still kind of raining/thundering then. We walked up to find out what was going on. then we walked back to get his armour on/together and to get back up there. I carried most of the gear he wasn't wearing. We remembered half way up that eh forgot his little sweat towels. I camp back down for them and went back up again. We then took his weapons somewhere else to be inspected and while he went off to join up, i brought back the extra weapons. I made it halfway back to the battle field when the sun became more convincing about coming out. I came back for sunblock and sun glasses. Of course once i finished blocking up the sun went away again.

I walked out to watch the castle battle. I took some pictures and made my way up to Ancaster as they have a good view of the field. By the time i got there my sunglasses had fallen off my belt. I had to rewalk the whole trip and go by lost and found but didn't find them. I got back to Ancaster right as the first battle finished. For the second battle i was sitting down on the field by Ron's gear. After the battles, which were really crazy to watch, we came back for a shower, lunch and a nap.

Ron was so cute. He was so charged from the battle and couldn't stop telling me little stories about it. I was tired but really too hot to sleep. After Ron's tent awning project failed, i gave up on sleep and we went down the road to a lake beach to cool off. We also went to the store and got me new sunglasses. After dinner and a brownie sundae we went up to visit in Ancaster as our camp was having a margarita party. We stayed up there for a long time listening to the wonderful spontaneous singing that always happens in that camp. I love it!

alanna163 @ 2007-08-05T21:15:00

2007-08-12T13:10:30Z

I never did make it much into the schedules last night because they were too overwhelming. There are so many things going on at once. This morning there was a woman in the showers took forever. There were three stalls. While i was waiting, no one rotated through the first one, two through the second, and three through the third shower. It's not like it was even hot water. We were all joking that she had set up camp in there.

Ron and i had to make a Walmart run as he forgot to bring socks. We went to get the truck and saw two deep ruts behind it that we hadn't noticed the night before. Ron could not get the truck up the hill. It kept spinning, making new ruts, getting stuck in the other ruts and anything but go up the hill. Ron got out to push but still we were stuck. Luckily another guy had crested the hill and parked then came down to help. He had been the one who had made the initial ruts so knew we would need help. He was just enough extra power that we got it out. On our way over to Walmart we saw a bus that we had to photograph on the way back. Someone rented a school bus to put a huge BEER sign with an arrow pointing the way from the head of the site to the liquor store. Something about a school bus and BEER sign amused us.

I spent a lot of time today wandering through the merchant tents with Ron. I wanted to get a pair of boots to give support and go with garb. All we could find were flat slipper like things which wouldn't give support or boots that were several hundred dollars. We decided that i could get a cheap pair of comfortable hiking boots and Ron will use the bottoms and build leather tops for me.

By the time we got through looking at most of the merchant tents i was so drained. I was on sensory overload and my systems shut down. I came back to camp and fell asleep for two hours. After nap i checked in on Ron watching the fighting and went up to visit Simon. He was napping when i first got there so i visited with Pete for a bit before waking him. We had a good visit lounging on the couch he brought to sleep on. After dinner Ron and i roamed some more taking it in before coming back and joining in a bardic workshop in camp.

It has been raining on and off all day which is good and bad. It caused the roads to be a lot less dusty, but it has not acted to clear the humidity so it is very sticky still. On the whole, today was not too bad. I just wish i had a purpose. Tuesday i am MOLing which will feel better. Tomorrow is the big castle battle so i thinking i will see about water bearing.

alanna163 @ 2007-08-04T21:21:00

2007-08-12T12:56:32Z

Today we drove from Scotia to Pennsic. We left at 8:12 and got site at 5:00. About halfway through the trip my eye started twitching and my balance was all off. Other than that i had been doing okay until we got in sight of the site. Seeing all the piles and piles of cars and tents sent all the butterflies crazy and i told Ron to take me home again.

We got our tent and stuff set up by 6:30 and went on a walk to find people. We eventually found Simon, Pete and company and visited with them for a bit. They had made too much dinner and invited us to share with them. After that we found other friends but not the ones we were looking for. Finally we found Lily and JP and visited with Lily for a while before wandering our way back to camp.

Seeing people i know has helped calm the nerves some, but there are still a crazy lot of people here and my eye is still twitching. I have two books of schedules to look through before bed to structure myself so it is not so overwhelming.

alanna163 @ 2007-06-20T15:32:00

2007-06-20T19:37:26Z

This past weekend Mom had called me and suggested that i make something with four-leafed clovers for my cousin for his wedding this coming weekend. The only problem with that being that i don't really have any left in storage and since i moved to RI i have found precisely two four-leafed clovers and both were found when i was up in Mariaville for War of the Roses. I'm not one who normally reads too into signs, but the fact that i haven't found any four-leafed clovers in RI since i moved here, has not escaped my notice.

Today i was really frustrated because my computer and printer were not cooperating with each other and i really wanted to finish printing out two applications and mail them. I was at the point of throwing my computer across the room when i just walked out instead. I felt better when i came back, but put off finishing the applications until later. I finally got them all done and mailed, and on the way home i found a dozen four-leafed clovers. :-) Life's crazy.

alanna163 @ 2007-06-19T17:39:00

2007-06-19T21:55:55Z

I know i haven't put anything in here forever, but i haven't really had anything to put in this format. Anyway, the past few weeks have been really amusing to me. Since i have been with Ron, i have developed a much better physical self image. I've gotten far more comfortable wearing things that are shorter or more form fitting than i would have ever worn before. The past few weeks whenever i have gone walking places without Ron, i have gotten all kinds of whistles and comments. I find it really funny. Yesterday i was wearing a new sleeveless, v-neck, stretchy top that i got two weeks ago. I was wearing it yesterday when i walked over to Staples and got a bunch of whistles and several guys checking me out and telling me i was beautiful. Today i was walking to CVS wearing my gym clothes and one guy said "good morning" to me and when i said "good morning" back, he asked if he could get to know me better. When i said "no", he asked why not. I told him i have a boyfriend and he said "it figures, the prettiest ones are always taken." It's all very funny to me.

On a similar note, a few weeks ago we were at the gym. I was working on the ab/adductor machine and Ron was working out in the floor space with one of the weighted bars. I was watching him because when he does those exercises it does some awesome things to his muscles. The Y guy working that night is this really nice seeming gay guy. He had just come back into the gym and saw me watching Ron. He turned around to see where i was looking. He checks Ron out and looks back at me, smiles, nods and winks. It was pretty cool.

alanna163 @ 2007-02-03T21:47:00

2007-02-04T02:54:18Z

So, i'm really confused and looking for insights. For basically the last two years (since Ron moved out to Seattle with me) Pat has had me blocked on IM. Last year he unblocked me for about two weeks around Valentine's Day and it turned out he wanted to talk because he had just broken up with his girlfriend. I was happy, not about the break up, but about the talking. I still love him, i'm just not In Love with him. Shortly after he told me about the girl leaving and some other stuff, then he blocked me again and i was super confused. A few months ago we talked and it didn't go well, but whatever. I've long since gotten used to the fact that he has me blocked and it doesn't bother me. Yeah, i'd like to be friends with him, but it's not really a critical thing. Then today he unblocked me again and i really don't get it. It could be an accident, which would make the most sense, but i don't know. It has just left me confused all day. Not that i plan on IMing him and asking him because the last several times we have IMed it has resulted in him being really mean and making me cry. I'm just really curious and i hate when things don't fit in a logical pattern.

alanna163 @ 2007-02-02T07:39:00

2007-02-02T12:45:51Z

Recently i have worked on putting together a photo album. When i had gone out to Seattle, the intent had been to leave what i knew of myself behind and start new. Obviously i couldn't do that entirely, but for some things i did. It helped me to see what actually is important to me and to make a lot more decisions for me and not just based on what others would expect me to decide. Now though, i have realized that it is important to fill in past some more to round things out. I have grounded myself in old pictures. I've always hated pictures of me because i don't like how i look in them, but there are some good ones out there and they are important for me to look at. The album also has pictures of other people who play a significant role in making me who i am and pictures of places i've been. It's made me really happy to look at all the pictures of people i love and places i've seen. It keeps me grounded.

http://picasaweb.google.com/agif7163

alanna163 @ 2007-01-31T07:17:00

2007-01-31T12:21:56Z

Since i haven't posted in forever, i figured i would do so. I've been doing a lot of thinking this year about school and life and stuff.

When i was teaching at Stillwater, i wasn't very happy. Part of it was the insane paperwork nightmare of keeping track of all the labs, part of it was the tension between teacher and administrators over the lack of contract and part of it was the lack of support in my personal life. I loved my apartment, i loved being by the locks and the water, but i never really had anyone to share it with me. Yes, Pat would come over some, but he wasn't good support. I loved him, still love him, but there was no support there. I couldn't say that i needed him to be with me and to give me support, and he couldn't read my mind to know that so he would always end up running off whenever someone called who needed him.

Now everything has changed. School is much worse than it was then. There are tensions and out right shouting matches between staff members or staff and students are ridiculous. I've been trying to help make that situation better, but i don't see that it will work. The principal has already had one nervous breakdown in her life, and seems to be headed towards another. The kids are okay, but not what i want to be teaching. The good thing about this year is that i have been much more organized so that by the end of the year i will have a complete set of daily lessons for a year of biology. I don't know if it has been worth it though.

Home has changed too since Stillwater. Coming home from school is so nice. I always know that, no matter how bad the school day was, when i get home i get a hug and cuddles. It makes it all better. Home is our time together and i love how well we work together. We have the routine where one cooks and the other reads and then we switch for the dishes. It is such a simple thing, but it really means a lot. The other thing that having Ron at home has helped change is that i don't bring a lot of school work home any more. With our schedules, i have so little time with Ron i am not going to spend it correcting papers. I use my time at school to get more of my school work done and it doesn't come home with me. Home time is my time either by myself or with Ron. It makes things a lot better. Granted it helps that i don't have piles and piles of labs to grade like i did at Stillwater, but i also had nothing better to do at night so why not bring them home.

At least now i have one part of my life that feels right. Coming home, even if the apartment isn't the best, coming home is really nice. Now i just need to work on the going to work part of the equation and find a way for that to be right. Hopefully with the shake up that has happened in special ed the past few weeks, there will be lots of positions open for me in the fall and i can find one that will work.

alanna163 @ 2006-11-07T13:54:00

2006-11-07T18:54:35Z

So this is kind of mean, but it makes me happy anyway. I found out yesterday that the person who had been in charge of Human Resources for the school department got fired on Friday.

alanna163 @ 2006-11-03T17:27:00

2006-11-03T22:27:35Z

I have gotten to REALLY REALLY hate the Providence School Department Office of Human Resources. There are only so many things that you can over look before you start to take things personally.

1. This summer they failed to change my address in their records so when they sent out my application to the schools, no one could contact me.

2. After discovering the problem, they would not correct it because they had already placed me at a school, though at that point they wouldn't tell me where.

3. The Friday before school starts they finally tell me that they placed me in 11th grade biology instead of where they hired me for middle school special ed.

4. When i applied for another job in the district that would be perfect for me, they never sent out that application.

5. They interview me for a position which isn't even technically open and tell me that i will have the decision of the interview committee in a week.

6. Today was a full month later without having heard and i confronted the principal looking for some kind of information. She informs me that HR was supposed to have contacted me, that they hired someone else, though they aren't certain if she will even accept the job; putting me in yet another holding stage.

7. I contact HR today to find out about a few of the other jobs which were posted because if i haven't been accepted for this job, i might as well find another one rather than sitting in a holding patter. Only to find out, that the openings closed this Wednesday so i couldn't apply for any of them.

I am beginning to wonder if i just should have stayed in Seattle. I was happy there. Yes, i hated the time difference, the weather, the distance, and didn't have a core group of friends, but i really loved the school. Here everything else is better but the school sucks and considering that i am in school most of the time, it makes me wonder.

alanna163 @ 2006-10-30T17:59:00

2006-10-30T23:05:45Z

So a few weeks ago i went to the doctor because my heart was sometimes beating strangely. He did an EKG and stuff and told me it was probably just stress. Ron agrees with that as does everyone else i have talked to, and i know i *should* be feeling stress, but i don't feel it. Yes, i know that my job is up in the air, i know that i have a crazy case load of kids, and that there are constantly fights and break ins at the school. All of those would tend to lead to stress, consciously all i feel is tired. Then the last couple of days, my side has been acting up again. The times when it has been worst were my last quarter senior year at URI when there were lots of huge projects due and i was doing the whole nightmare/no sleep thing and then again the summer before going out to UW when i hadn't gotten any paperwork from them. Both relatively big stress times. Now it is acting up again and i want to make it stop. With the exception of work, everything is going really well, and i have been trying so hard to keep work from bothering me, but apparently i am failing on a subconscious level. Grr...

alanna163 @ 2006-10-07T09:01:00

2006-10-07T13:04:39Z

Grr... so my knee is definitely going back down a very bad route. Yesterday i had a meeting on the third floor of the school and then my interview on the first floor and going down the flights of stairs was too much again. Last night we went to a wedding reception at a friend's house and they live on a steep hill. The lawn had been parked solid so we were a little way down the hill. Walking up to the house was fine, but i could not walk back down to the car comfortably. Mom drove up to get me. This morning i got in the pool and couldn't even kick with the board flat let alone bulldozing. It frustrates me a lot!

alanna163 @ 2006-09-08T17:18:00

2006-09-08T21:33:56Z

I'm looking for input. I am working with this girl for the autism program. We'll say her name is Karen. She not only has autism but a lot of her brain has been fried due to seizures. Last year she was hospitalized for a long time with a series of seizures during which time she lost all of her language and has only sort of gotten it back. She can read the following words with marginal accuracy: Mom, dog, cat, Buddy, Barney, Nick, and her own name. She can usually label 50 or 60 common pictures. She hits, bites, and swears randomly. When we are out of the house together we have a good time. We have been to the playground and played on the swings, we have gone to the library and played with puzzles and some other little kids. Though she is 15, she fits right in with the four and five year olds though they are further than she is for verbal expression and understanding.

Anyway, Karen's brother is 13 and her sister is 19, pregnant and living on her own though she spends a lot of time at the house and works with Karen through the same company as i do, though in a different capacity. The mother is a perpetually stressed Portuguese woman with a crazy temper. She is very nice to me and has always been nice to me, but she shouts a lot at the boy, at the dog, about Karen. I understand that she is tired and she doesn't get time to herself much because she is a single mom whose full time job is taking care of Karen.

I always find it interesting working with Karen, but i don't know if i should stick with it. It is so hard for scheduling and it is so frustrating. During the summer i went to work with her Wednesdays from 3-6 or so and Saturdays from 10-5. With school now for both of us, it is really hard. I get out of school at 3 so can't even get up there until 3:30 and then we are both tired from school so very little work can be done. With the situation that my school has forced me into right now, on Saturdays all i want to do is be home with Ron and be away from kids and not be around shoutingness. So i don't know what to do. I kind of want to stick with the program just not right now.

alanna163 @ 2006-08-30T18:39:00

2006-08-30T22:47:11Z

I was sitting in the teacher's room yesterday eating my lunch and talking with another teacher. We were talking about our classes and what our teaching preferences would be. I had said how i would much rather be teaching special ed than biology and he asked if i was certified in special ed. I told him that i had gotten my masters in it. He asked where and i told him Seattle. He got all surprised and asked "At University of Washington?!?" I told him yes and asked if he had gone there. His response was "wow, you must be really smart, that is a very tough program to get into." Apparently he had several friends who had applied there at various points because it is such a strong special ed school, and had been turned away being told that they only accept 50 people to the entire program each year.

Later during the day i was talking to the special ed teacher about some students she has in my class. When i offered to modify tests and handouts for some, she got all shocked because most teachers don't do that. I told her that i was also certified in special ed and she had a similar response, "wow you must be really smart to have special ed and biology." It was just weird. For someone who has always considered it more luck or hard work than actually considering myself smart, it felt odd.

alanna163 @ 2006-08-18T12:06:00

2006-08-18T16:18:46Z

I've always hated paperwork, and i am beginning to think that could be in part because mine always gets messed up. When two years ago i really wanted to be out in Seattle to do the grad school thing, my paperwork had gotten seriously messed up due to totally unknown circumstances and i ended up starting classes a month into the quarter and having to play catch up. In the end things worked out, but it made for a miserable couple of months. So this summer i moved out to RI because Providence had hired me to teach for the fall. They told me that they wouldn't know specifically what job i would have until August. I chose to believe them as i had chosen to believe UW on the whole acceptance thing.

So i contacted the Human Resources lady when i had a local address and phone number and she said she would change it on my application. August comes around and i contacted the school department for further word on what position i would have. I got an email and a phone call. The email was from the human resources lady saying that they didn't have any positions available. Then her secretary called me. As it turns out, she had written that email without looking at my file and i would still have a job with them. The secretary had sent out my paperwork to a bunch of principals to look at and contact me for interviews. Come to find out that the HR lady never changed my phone number on the paperwork so no one could get in contact with me. When i talked to the secretary about it and asked her if she called the principals to correct it, she told me she wasn't going to bother because they decided to stick me in a position. The position is as a long term sub with the potential of being hired, teaching high school biology to students with limited English proficiency. It is totally not what i want. I got my special ed degree because i don't want to be a biology teacher, though i wouldn't mind teaching biology as a special ed teacher. In this area, limited English pretty much means Spanish or Portuguese, and i'm thinking that my very limited German is not going to help me out. It makes me frustrated.

I've thought about it a lot and on Wednesday i put in applications for two other school districts both looking for special ed and i think both in middle school. Hopefully it will all work out...